1. Be honest.
This is number one for a reason.
One of the main reasons people hate to listen to others brag, apart from the fact that it is boring, is because it seems inflated and often has a streak of dishonesty to it.
Replace the tendency to brag by being honest. If you are good at something, state it simply and truthfully. Exaggerating and embellishing only turns your audience off.
Avoid cliched, overused titles, like “guru” or “expert”.
For example, being an intern at a marketing firm does not automatically make you a “marketing guru”.
Just because you had a solitary project where you sold a property does not make you a “real estate expert”.
Don’t copy and paste titles you think the organizer wants to see: it is better to be straight forward about your abilities than overpromote yourself based on what you think they want to hear.
2. Speak and write with genuine enthusiasm
Note the word “genuine” here. We’ve all been caught talking to someone who oozes with fake enthusiasm. They are just so phonily positive about everything. While it might be tempting to sugarcoat everything, the sickly sweetness will turn your audience off.
How to avoid it? That's simple: don’t be fake.
Replace the tendency to overdo the faux-enthusiasm by focusing on what you are actually passionate about, and be genuine about it.
When you are writing, resist the urge to end every sentence with an exclamation point, and reduce the overuse of over-the-top adjectives.
It goes back to being honest.
Find the balance between being passionate about what you do, but realistic.
3. Focus on what you’ve done, rather than who you are
An easy way to slip into the egotistical category is to talk incessantly about how great you are—instead, look at the great things you’ve done.
It might seem like a subtle difference, but you can see the difference when you read these two statements below:
“My expertise was essential for the success of the Women’s International Tech Conference.”
“I was able to share some of my experiences in a beneficial way at the Women’s International Tech Conference.”
The wording is subtly different, but two different attitudes are conveyed: the writer of the first seems egotistical and full of themself, the second seems more genuine, and less self-important.
Put your audience first
4. Customize and tailor what you say to your listener or reader.
The more you can make it about them and communicating to their needs, the less you need to worry about coming off as too full of yourself. You will naturally come off more humbley and engaging.
Start with these three simple questions:
What do they need to know?
What will be interesting or helpful for them to know?
What is my strategy for communicating that information to them?
If you are writing, you can even jot down the full answers to these questions, then work them into what you are writing.
If you are speaking, you are going to have to think on your feet, but the essence is the same: make it about your listener.
By catering each message specifically to them, you can talk about your expertise, strengths, and experience in a way that will be engaging to them—instead of some script you repeat to anyone who will listen.
5. Learn where the line is.
Over time most people learn to sense when their audience has tuned out—when you are talking about yourself, watch your audience carefully.
Are they asking questions or eyeballing the exit?
If they are unengaged, switch tacks.
If someone is asking a lot of questions and looks genuinely interested, it's fine to keep talking, but watch out for people who are just being polite and make sure you don’t turn the conversation into a monologue.
Be charming, not overwhelming.
6. Customize a few great stories about what you’ve done.
Once you’ve got a handle on who your listener/reader is, and have a general idea of what will interest them: pick one or two stories from your experience that will engage and interest them but will also showcase your expertise.
Stories interest people, and they are much more enjoyable than a list of accomplishments.
They also showcase more of your personality: are you funny? adventurous? empathetic? inspiring? In a way, the stories reveal a lot more about you aside from your accomplishments.
When talking about the great things you’ve done, try and relay a sense of wonder about it, like it was something that you felt amazed by, not just because you did it, but because it was something fantastic to be involved with.
7. How to answer: “So, tell me about yourself.”
So often, when we see the textbox “Describe yourself,” or someone asks “Tell me about yourself,” we automatically launch into a script we’ve recited a thousand times:
“Well, I am from Canada. I was born in 1985 and spent most of my childhood in Ontario. I studied computer programming, and worked in customer support for IBM Canada 10 years, then moved to Belgium, and now I am working as a consultant. I like art. I really love traveling.”
This simultaneously tells the listener everything and nothing.
Read this alternate example:
“After a career in customer service for IBM, I left my job and broke out of Canada, finding an alternate way to do what I love best: traveling. I ended up in Brussels, Belgium: land of a few of my very favourite things: art, comic books, beer, and waffles. Now I work as a content consultant for communication companies from all around the world.”
Not only does the second give more information, but it is more interesting to read, and tells you more about the writer than the first example.
8. Focus on your current talents and strengths.
Focus on what you have legitimate skills in, what you are good at, and what you are interested in.
Instead of an epically long list of everything you have done (including things you might not have succeeded in) and possibly could do, prioritize only the things that are relevant to the audience, or the things you are focused on at the moment.
9. Talk about your achievements
Don't avoid your greatest achievements.
Once, we were working with a speaker who had gone to Yale, who told us she didn’t talk much about it because she felt it made her a bit unrelatable.
We were really surprised by this: graduating from Yale is a great achievement, but at the same time, could understand her hesitation.
Her education did put her at another level, but what a great level to be on!
If you do have a significant accomplishment in your background, you should be proud of it, and not making an effort to avoid stating it.
That being said, there are two ways you could talk about it: one that will come off as bragging and over-the-top, and one that is honest and to the point. Stick with the latter.
But don't feel the need to share all of your achievements.
Avoid overwhelming your reader or listener with every single thing you have done that you are proud of.
Narrow it down to what is relevant and the most important. Talk about the accomplishments that are relatable to them and relevant to the kind of project you’d like to work on with them.
Stick to what is necessary. You do not need to list every single thing you’ve done just to fill the space.
10. Talk about your challenges
Bragging gives off an air of entitlement, as if we were simply born with an ability to do something well.
When someone is bragging, we often get the feeling that they think they are better than us. We all struggle, but they speak as if everything comes so easy to them...it is disheartening to the listener.
Be more relatable by talking about how you got there, what challenges you had, and how you overcame them.
Take these two examples:
“I’m a great speaker because I am really good with people. After my talks, I always get a huge bump of Twitter followers.”
“You know when I first started speaking, I used to get so nervous. But the more I do it, the more I realize it is a great fit for my personality: I love being able to share my experiences with people from different backgrounds, cultures, and industries. Being a speaker pulls in my love of teaching, my communication skills, and my ability to connect with people. Sometimes the connection goes off stage: I really enjoy building relationships via Twitter with past audience members.”
Which one leaves you feeling like the person is genuinely interested in helping others, which one seems like they are in it to help themselves?
And if you were an audience member or event organizer, who would you prefer to hire?
How we talk about ourselves matters.
It can be the difference between being hired or passed over, between being a successful, sought-after speaker or being someone who is somewhat mediocre who has to struggle for each booking.
What has been your experience with talking about yourself in a non-narcissistic way?
Would you be willing to share your advice with other speakers? Get in touch.
The original version of this article was published on February 16th, 2018. This is an edited version.
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